This idea came to light when I was thinking of the human rice cake and what she would be like if she came back to life! So, without further adieu, I give you some of the evil people of Hornblower and their "separated at birth" counterpart from Star Wars or, if they were to cast some Hornblower characters in these roles! I am still working on this page, so bear with me! Got one to add or would like to throw in your comment? E-mail me!
Jack Simpson as The Emperor
Ok, so Simpson was as mean as they came when you think of all the torture that
Horatio endured from the hands of Simpson. Besides which, Archie also
suffered as well from the mental anguish dished out. This man was
certifiably evil. He even scared the bee-jeebies out of Clayton! He
seemed invincible for a while, but eventually sealed his doom when Obi Wan-Keno
bi
(a/k/a Captain Pellew - and yeah, the good guys will get their day soon here!)
plugged him good while Simpson was trying to play Jack the Knife. So, with
his smugness and tendency to try and control everything around him, Jack would
play the Emperor because, well, he is just that evil! However, I do note that
Captain Keene looks a lot more like the Emperor but well, he's got a hair ball
and just can't quit coughing!
Tapling as Jabba the Hut
I
know, I know. Tapling was not an evil character. But hey, I could
not resist putting this one in since Jabba the Hut was not such a likeable
character, unless you like that kind of, well, never mind! As you
know, Ian McNeice is a great actor and we all love him dearly. But you
know that the comparison is there and had to be included! Now I toyed with
the idea of drawing a straw hat on Jabba to make my point, but figure you all
can use your imagination with this one! They both seem to love to eat
(hence Tapling not minding becoming the "meat cutter's apprentice"),
although Jabba's choice of vittles is a little less becoming! However, I
can never see Tapling being able to have a chick on a chain at his beck and
call. Nut-uh, nevah! Now if it was Huggy Bear, that'd be a different
story!
Mariette as Darth Vader
Yeah,
you heard me! We all know that this chick got to (a) sleep in the same
room at Horatio; (b) get paid for a role that was way over her head; (c) run a
"one legged race" holding on to Horatio; (d) gets to use her shag
setting when she snogs with him .... need I go on? We hate her! I
think that her next role should be one where she, herself, is totally covered in
a costume, her voice and fake french accent is not required and in a dastardly
type role where we can still continue to revile her! What perfect role
than Darth Vader? We wouldn't have to see that face or hear that
voice! Now, I am still negotiating with James Earl Jones on doing Darth's
voice, as I know he a grasp on the english language and
would never say "zee" instead of "the" and "tank
you" instead of "thank you," which drove me crazy! Who else
hisses when she gets on the screen? A show of hands? I cannot
believe that this wonder bra, flat haired stick gets the attention of
Horatio. I am sure, being older than Horatio myself, that he would have
gone for the Duchess on a sort of Mrs. Robinson slant to it. Hey, it can
happen!
Hunter as General Maxilian Veers
Is
there no pictures of some of these HH men on line or what? I searched and
searched, nothing in the Making of HH book. Note to producers: No
more pics of Mariette -- we want pics of the HH men no matter how rotten they
are! Back to the story. When Darth Vader discovered the
Alliance base on Hoth, General Veers prepared an invasion army to knock out the
Rebel shield generator protecting the base. Hunter also assembled an
"army" to escape from prison. The only differences are
that (a) Veers succeeded where Hunter failed and (b) Veers does not know how a
thing about rock ape.
Adds Jamers: Is there no pictures of some of these HH men on line or
what? I searched and searched, nothing in the Making of HH book. Note to producers: No more pics of Mariette -- we
want pics of the HH men no matter how rotten they are! Back to the story. When Darth Vader discovered the
Alliance base on Hoth, General Veers prepared an invasion army to knock out the Rebel shield generator protecting the
base. Hunter also assembled an "army" to escape from prison. The only differences are that (a) Veers succeeded
where Hunter failed and (b) Veers does not know how a thing about rock ape.
COMING SOON: Bunting and Moncoutant!
You are listening to the theme to "Empire Strikes Back"